The Ultimate Empowering Question

No matter where you go, you will always encounter an environment where people label behaviors as complaining or seeking attention. As Leaders, we must understand some people lack the proper communication skills to describe what they perceive or feel. And because of this, we mustn’t deduce our judgement to perceive people as whiners or attention-seekers. Technically, we all desire attention; it’s just a matter of communicating properly to seek it and feel understood from receiving it. Furthermore, we must empower people with those skills.

Let’s say our best friend is upset about her boyfriend Jimmy cancelling their dates. And it’s not just a one time thing, we know it’s happened several times before. While it’s therapeutic for them to let us know about it, we tend to become more disinterested the more it happens. Sometimes we reply with “that’s crazy” or “just dump him already”. What if we were to take it one step further with a question that requires no brainstorming ideas or direct suggestions for our best friend? Hold this example while we jump into another example.

Let’s say our coworker is upset about another coworker. And you know that it’s happened several times before. We know that we have no training in inter-personal solutions, so we are wondering whether we should intervene and/or take it to management (depending on how severe the incidents are; we would, of course, have to if they were severe). Suppose it’s one of the most common, less severe incidents in which it’s some sort of power-struggle between them. “Can you believe that? Tony was so rude ignoring me in front of my client.” or “I think Lily is feeling bitter about what happened yesterday, I believe that’s why she hasn’t turned in the work I need to look over”.

As friends and coworkers, what do we do?

We know both situations are split into two categories: personal and professional. And we definitely would have most, if not some, responses differ from each situation. The intention to help our best friend and teammate is there, and even though the responses to each differ, there is one ultimate question that we could ask them that would completely empower them (either instantaneously or gradually).

After listening attentively to them, we could ask: “What are you going to do about it?”

What are you going to do about it?

We’re so used to asking what they think about it or feel about it, that when we hit them with the “what are you going to do about it?” question, the common answer is usually a puzzled or surprised one. My favorite response is the wide-eyed, head tilted back “What do you mean?”, because that’s when I know I have placed accountability and action back into their hands. As Leaders, it is our duty to strive for this.

We can ask our best friend, “What are you going to do about it?” and we can ask our teammate “What are you going to do about it?” Right then and there will their minds be redirected towards a question that reflects their own accountability and power of autonomy. And they will begin to see the influence their actions could begin to have rather than simply expressing their thoughts and emotions to us over and over again.

This simple question can begin to take effect immediately or it may require consistent asking. It’s a simple question that trains the mind to focus on solutions while acknowledging problems without dwelling in them for too long. As Leaders, we must strive towards empowering people with their own competence and ability to focus on actions just as much as they do on their own thoughts. 

🔴 Be Empowered, my friends.